You have a lovely way with words, both poetic and striking.
I often have many of the same thoughts that you expressed here. The existential play on “Never Have I Ever” is “Never Will I Ever.” The best thing to do is to search for things that breathe life into you and give them the time and consideration they deserve. It’s crucial in building the relationships we want and need, to discover what we must learn about ourselves, and how to make more of the things that speak to us and hopefully to others.
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts. This came from a place of extreme honesty and, as a reader, I truly appreciate that.